ramblings from last week

I had four of the most wonderful days in Florida with family recently.  My oldest niece is getting married in March and, much to my chagrin, she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  At first I thought, “is she crazy?! I’m old!”  At the exact same time, I was so honored and touched so deeply there was no way I would’ve ever said “no”.  So, off to Florida for dress shopping I went for a few days jam packed with wedding stuff, it was great.  The afternoon I arrived we had an appointment at a bridal shop and managed to get in a few hours early.  My oldest niece is beautiful, everything looks good on her, and so it did.  However, when she walked out of that fitting room in “THE DRESS”, there was no mistaking it.  She’s not the type to over react, get all giddy and scream “OMG! THIS IS THE ONE!” while she runs in circles.  We’re saving that experience for her younger sister.  Love ya, Kate.  Something in her face changed when she saw herself in the mirror in that dress.  I felt the blood drain from my face, her Mother and I both had tears in our eyes, it was “the one”.  An hour later we were leaving the shop, bridal gown in hand. Perfect.

The next day was bridesmaid gown shopping; my niece the bride, my niece the bridesmaid, the best friend, the Mother of the bride and the aunt who’s probably still too old to be a bridesmaid in her nieces wedding.  Off to the dress shop we go.  Chaos.  Hundreds of dresses, in every color imaginable except the one my niece really wanted, sizes from 2 to 22, shoved onto racks, packed in together, craziness.  We visited three shops that day to decide on a dress and a color from the first shop of the morning.  Anytime you can find a dress that works for everybody, it’s a keeper, buy it, in this case, buy three. 

We visited the gardens and hall where the reception will be held, beautiful.  I met the groom’s parents, every nice people, of course.  Saw the house the newlyweds may be renting, and drove home, it was a full day.

What a trip to Florida without the beach.  So, I got to ride to the beach with my brother in law on the back of his Goldwing.  It was great.  Nobody tell my ex-husband, he’d probably be upset that I took my life in my hands and was so careless with it as to ride on a motorcycle for 30 miles on the freeway when I’ve got a son to raise……and he may have a point, so again, DON’T TELL HIM. The rest of the clan, including my youngest niece (that makes 3¸I have 4 total), who happened to be there doing an internship and, lucky me, joined us for our day playing in the sun, met us at the beach.  The beach was great, I love the sound, the smell, the surf, the zany seagulls, everything except the jellyfish that stung me.  Yep.  That was a new experience.  And, one that I hope never to repeat because it hurt like hell.  No, nobody peed on my shoulder, that’s gross and totally unnecessary.  A handful of wet beach sand to remove the stingers¸ and that worked just fine.  Yes, it still hurt for hours, but the bruises are almost gone and when I looked up jellyfish in my “Animal Spirit Guides” book, I am again reminded that all of my needs will be met.  The bruises then become just a continued reminder.  Perhaps next time, Spirit could just leave me a note, I’ll tape it to my mirror, just as good. 

Monday was a sisters day.  Just the two of us, shopping, ah, a match made in heaven.  Need I say more?  Not really, but I will.   I love my time with my sister.  She’s my best friend.  I make her laugh, she keeps me sane, it’s a great relationship.  We really do balance each other, and it is a great relationship.  I thank my mother and father for only having two girls. My sister and I know that if there had been a third, our relationship with each other would’ve never been what it is, and we’re both grateful for it.  Do we drive each other a bit crazy sometimes?  Of course, it wouldn’t be any fun if we didn’t.  Two years ago at an art fair I bought my sister a picture frame that says it all, “ I smile because you’re my sister, I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it”.  It’s so true.  Really, neither one of us would grow if we didn’t push each other a little bit occasionally in some uncomfortable directions.  It’s just what we do for each other.  I know she loves me, probably more than anyone else I know, and I sleep better at night with that in my heart.

The next day was travel home day.  Yuck.  I was sad to leave, as I always am.  My nieces reminded me that I could just move to Florida and then we’d be together all the time, which they always do.  I reminded them that they’re too old for a nanny, which may or may not be true, but it’s the way the ritual goes.  I am so grateful, so blessed to have these beautiful young women; bright, sensitive, aware, intelligent, who will be correcting my grammar and punctuation if they ever read this, in my life.  It’s strange sometimes the relationships life provides us.  The opportunities to look, watch, listen, to grow by helping someone else grow, or sometimes grow by watching someone else struggle, to walk with them, even when they don’t see you there, to dance when they’re happy, to cry when they’re hurt, it’s incredible, and it means the world to me.  So to all the sisters, and daughters, and mothers and aunts¸ whether by blood, or by soul; love each other, support each other, cheer one another on in victory and defeat.  Life is a journey, and we’re on the road together.  Be grateful.

A sacred day

It was a sacred day.  Perhaps because it is 10/10/10, but I believe mostly just because I stopped long enough, often enough to be aware of what was happening around me, and inside me…..for me, this is a gift in itself.  I spend most of my waking hours running full speed with my head 10 different places at one time.  It’s not a great way to live; it’s just over the years, become MY way.  I’m changing it, slowly, one piece at a time, but like most people, I’m a work in progress, and I admit it.  That’s always the first step you know.

I started my day with a conversation with my sister, who is truly my best friend, and when she said, “so, did anything positive happen lately?” I knew I was in serious trouble.  I had a fair-sized case of “whoaism”, as in “oh, whoa is me, my life is SO hard” blah, blah, blah.  It’s a chronic illness, goes into remission but, once you’ve got it, it’s always right there beneath the surface…..did I mention I’m a work in progress.

So I whoa-ed myself downstairs to rip apart my dryer, which I’ve never done before and was pretty sure it would never work again by the time I was done with it.  Spent 2 hours crawling around metal parts, sticking my hands blindly into spaces that were dark and well, just nasty, digging through the thickest blanket of dust I’ve ever seen, I mean, I could’ve knit sweaters for a small 3^rd world country if there was a way to turn that stuff back into the fabric it came from.  Have you ever taken your dryer apart?  IT’S GROSS!  So, a couple of hours, a few scraped knuckles and several moments of uttering some choice words and its back together, AND IT WORKS!  Honestly, I am so proud of myself.  I’m a fairly competent woman, but I’ve questioned that a lot lately.  It has much to do with my first blog about “letting go”, you get it.  So, I’m working on trusting myself to be able to take care of things without a, ahem, man around.  It’s freeing, it’s liberating, it’s a lot of fricken hard work.  But I’m doing it, and that’s the important part.  As my guide says “one small victory at a time, leads to an enormous celebration”.  So, I spend some time with my dryer, and learned some lessons. I spent some time later with Mother Nature and reminded myself how to ground those lessons into my body.  All in all, it was a good day……..I should go call my sister.

Welcome to Meanderings

Welcome to Meanderings of Heaven and Earth. This will be my place to speak freely, like it or not, the good, the bad and the ugly of how I”m thinking/feeling about everything from spiritual evolution to what kind of hair day I’m having and what’s on my last nerve. Read this at your own risk, agree or disagree with what i write, and please visit regularly. All the best.

Letting Go

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to do this, and I must admit, I’m feeling a bit rusty.
My newsletters have always been a way for me to get my thoughts out and hopefully provide some insight or provoke thoughts within you, and this is no different. This time is very personal as I’m sharing my own process and that of others near me lately.
I have been surrounded as of late, by loss; the loss of people, of relationships, friends grieving the loss of pets, loved ones, marriages, lifestyles, you name it. I kept asking myself, “what is all this crap about?! Why is there so much loss, grief, sadness?” So, today I’m out walking at the bike park and I round a corner in the trail and find myself standing at Crossroads, literally. It’s a place where two trails cross, it’s also the name of a geocache my ex boyfriend and I planted together the beginning of summer….note I said ‘ex’. I sat down on a log near the cache and watched the world go nowhere and cried, again, some more. Loss is hurtful, hard, painful, depressing and generally, just nasty. But as I sat there, I watched a leaf float down from its tree, gently, effortlessly, silently, it just let go, and I began to ponder. We say the trees lose their leaves in the Fall, but in that moment I realized they lose nothing. The leaves simply let go, and the trees releases them without question, drama, agony, etc. They just let go. Letting go implies an ease, an understanding, the ability to release the white knuckle grip, relax our grasp and allow something, or someone to slip through our fingers, not to their demise, but to their life and to ours as well.
I will never say that letting go is easy, but it’s a very different perception from loss, and that’s what I’d like to bring to myself and to all of you at this time. Fall is a time of releasing, of letting go of what no longer serves us in our greatest good, or honors our truth or our beauty. We release the investments, the possibilities that are no longer, the stories that will not be lived or joys never met. Again, for the millionth time I find myself taking the answers to my struggles from Mother Nature, in this letting go, there is its own beauty as we shed the old, bare ourselves, cleanse and prepare for the quiet that follows. Honor that beauty, however it presents itself. Be present with it, dare to touch it within you and experience it fully. This requires courage that I know lives in each of us as we grow to live more honestly, more presently in the moment, more authentically us.
I wish for each of you a time of sacredness in this season of letting go. I myself have needed to be reminded, and so I remind each of you that there is always love, support, patience and understanding waiting for us when we need it, and I thank each of you that has gifted me with that. Healing takes time, be patient. Change requires more change, be gentle with yourself as you adjust. Letting go of something or someone doesn’t mean it didn’t exist or wasn’t real, or was tainted or that you lose the joy it/they brought in their time, is simply allows it all to continue to live in another place, and for you to take what is of value and leave the rest.Namaste’